Tag: best blogs 2023

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Your parents are just people

bhillay

I think one of the keys to growth and happiness is realizing that your parents are just regular people too. Sometimes we have to take a step back and look at them as just a random person who has their own flaws, insecurities, proclivities and addictions. They also have their own dreams and aspirations that might not involve their children, which is ok.

Sometimes you are not dealt that ideal parent-child relationship. That is okay. You just have to accept the relationship for what it is and get the most out of it. I’ve heard people say “there’s things I wish my mom/dad would have taught me” or something along those lines. Maybe your parents were never taught those things from their parents.We can’t expect to receive things from our parents that were never given to them.

I know there are individuals out there who just are bad people, but I think most “bad” parents want to be good parents. They might have never learned how to be one. Maybe they made personal decisions that hurt their ability to be a good parent. Some parents don’t even realize that they’ve had a negative impact on their child’s life. They might be there for the child on a daily basis, but still aren’t doing what they need to do to nurture the physical, emotional and social development of their child. Sometimes an absent parent can be better than a bad parent that is present.

I think what’s key for a parent-child relationship is empathy and communication. You have to understand and share the feelings of your parents, the same way you can for a random person who is not your parent. You might have to nurture your parents emotionally and spiritually. That is fine. Maybe that is what God called you to do in the first place. Sometimes parents need help from their children. I know a lot of people who find purpose and happiness in life just from the presence of their child. Imagine what’s possible if that child deliberately chose to bring happiness and purpose into that parent’s life.

Sometimes the circle of life happens much faster than we would like. Most people will have to nurture and take care of their parents once they begin to get older in age. Others might have to nurture and care for their parents at a very young age.

They say life is the best teacher. If your parents offer you nothing in life, you can still at least learn from all of their mistakes. A smart person learns from his mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others.

Communication is also key. Have you ever told your parent how you felt about them? Have you ever ask your parent how they feel as a parent, and just in life in general? We can tell our parents what we need, or needed as a kid. At least they can learn and possibly be better in the future. And even if they aren’t better in the future, that’s ok. Just accept the relationship for what it is. You can drive yourself crazy trying to get something from someone who just doesn’t have it to give.

At the end of the day, our parents are just people and we are all children of God. That is Who will never let you down. That’s Who we should really look to for direction, purpose, growth and happiness.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. – Deuteronomy 31:8

Motivation

Earn Your Perfect Attendance Award

bhillay

One of the first awards I can ever remember winning as a kid is the Perfect Attendance award. This is the award a kid receives from their school at the end of the school year as an honor for being present every day of school during that year.

Initially, if it were up to me, I would have never gotten that award. There were days that I did not want to go to school and would rather stay home and play video games . There were days where I felt under the weather and felt as if I shouldn’t go to school. On those days, my mom would still make me go to school. She would tell me the importance of going to school everyday and how my ancestors sacrificed a lot just for me to be able to go to school. I couldn’t miss school for being sick unless I had a fever of like 100 F or higher. My mom would tell me I could not fake sick, cause one day I really will be sick, and I need to save my “sick days” for when I really am.

After a while I wanted to go to school everyday. I loved the gratification of getting that perfect attendance award at the end of the year. It also showed me what is possible when you really commit to something. Not only did I get the award, I would also receive every daily lesson of education at school. My perfect attendance reflected on my grades and intelligence. It also reflected on my drive.

My mom wasn’t just teaching me to go to school everyday, she was teaching me how to be consistent and how to finish what I started. She was teaching me how to do things even if I did not feel like it. Those are the same traits that helped me graduate from college and even helped me excel in sports. It’s a mindset.

In football, you often hear the saying “ the best ability is availability”. I knew I could beat players out for the starting job because I knew that I would show up everyday. Something as simple as that can separate you from others. I never missed workouts. I never missed practice. And for the most part in college, I never missed classes . That “perfect attendance” mentality is what kept me self-driven. I think it should be apart of everyone’s mentality. That is probably why in college your attendance is part of your grade.

I know people who flunked out of school because of their attendance. I know people who got fired from their job because they missed too many days. They might call in “sick” when they really aren’t sick. They might miss school because they just don’t feel like it. I believe these bad habits are formed as a kid. Like a coach would always say to us; it’s either coached, or allowed.

A parent is either coaching their kid to miss school often as a kid, or they are allowing it. My mom did not coach or allow it. In return she instilled the importance of showing up daily, being responsible, being consistent, and really just getting the most that I can get out of whatever endeavor that I choose to pursue.

No matter what you do, rather it’s school, work, or your goals and aspirations, you have to show up everyday. Because there is someone out there with the same goals and objectives as you, who will. The one who can show up everyday will be the one who is successful.

Learn and practice showing up every day and watch how it positively impacts your life.

Motivation, Random Thoughts

Lane Ends – Merge Left

bhillay

Don’t panic, it’s not the end of the road, just the end of that lane. You can still get to your destination, you just have to merge into a more suitable lane.

Follow the signs in life to merge lanes when needed. Also understand that you might be in the lane that people are merging into. So give them room to merge. Don’t be a hater. We can all get to our destination.

It’s when you ignore the signs of the lane ending, that’s when you have a problem. Or when you ignore the sign and drive to the end of the lane and then force your way into the line of those who already merged. That’s not how things work. You should not feel so entitled.

The sign was put there for you to successfully reach your destination. Follow the laws of success.

As you gain more experience in life, you’ll be better able to anticipate the signs you may come across on the road to success. Trust them and follow through in order to reach your destination.

Uncategorized

Diversify your skills

bhillay

Diversify your skills so that you will always be needed.

In football I always aimed to be a “complete running back”. This means I didn’t want to be good at just running the ball. I wanted to be a good catcher, run good routes, a good pass blocker, have good ball security… I wanted to run with both speed and power. I wanted to have good vision and I wanted to be smart. This helped me be a more valuable running back, which in return helped me win the starting running back job time after time.

If a running back cannot catch the ball or pass block, they will be limited to just playing on first and second down. If you aren’t that fast, you might be limited to just short yardage plays. If you have bad vision or fumble the ball a lot, you might not play at all.

When I made it to the NFL I knew that if I wanted to see the field I would have to diversify my skills even more. I had to be able to add value to the team by also playing on Special Teams. This helped me be needed more, which in return helped me make NFL rosters. At practice, I would help wherever they needed me. I might be on scout defense one period, then scout offense the next. It did not matter to me what I was doing as long as I was contributing to the team in some type of way. I always tried to find ways to diversify my skills. In the NFL, if a team feels as if you are not valuable or not contributing to the team enough, they’ll quickly get rid of you. I began to build this sense of urgency that I should always be doing something or adding to my skillset in some type of way. This now is how I approach everything in life, and how we all should.

You have to do things to separate yourself from the competition. Your resume might be very similar to another job candidate’s, but if you have more valuable skills on your resume such as coding or knowing another language, that can help you win that job. Even when you get the job, you still can gain more skills to grow within the company or go somewhere that is a higher position.

We can work on personal skills also, such as communication, time management, problem-solving, etc. Really, it’s not just about sports or work. The more skills you have in life in general, the more valuable you are. This can make life a lot easier. Might even make you happier.

So with that being said, I encourage you to make it an effort to learn a new skill this year. The future you will thank you.

Motivation

You’re only as strong as your weakest trait

bhillay

Thomas Reid said “The chain is only as strong as its weakest link, for if that fails the chain fails and the object that it has been holding up falls to the ground”. I believe that same concept can also be applied to your personal traits.

The president might be a great leader, charismatic, courageous, a visionary, good crisis manager, etc. But if they don’t have integrity or are adulterous, that will be their downfall and perhaps all they will be remembered for.

You can be the best athlete ever and have generational talent, but if you aren’t coachable, or even make bad choices outside of your sport, you will never reach your full potential as a player.

Someone can have intentions to be a nice, loving parent who cares about their kid, but if they have a bad tempter and anger problems, they can negatively impact their kid and how their kid views them as a parent.

I was always a fast sprinter. In track, I had a good acceleration phase and could maintain my speed for a long time. My start phase was my weakest trait. I could beat most kids with a bad start out of the blocks, but as competition got better, my weakest trait of coming out of blocks slow became a bigger problem. I wasn’t able to start off slow and catch everyone mid race like usual. Some sprinters I couldn’t catch because they ran to the best of their ability and were good in every sprinting phase. The same goes for life. My weak traits might not be a problem at the moment, but that doesn’t mean they won’t cause a problem once things get harder or when I am faced with character defining moments.

We must work on our weakest traits because they will eventually hurt us in some type of way. Whether it’s sports or personal life. The good thing is we can get better and improve those weak traits before they become a real problem.

We must be conscious of all of our traits and continue to find areas where we can grow and improve. This can happen through self-reflection as well as through the help of others. This does have to be a deliberate effort though. There should be a sense of urgency to improve our weak traits because you don’t know when they will cause a problem, if they haven’t already.

Uncategorized

Take your kid to work

bhillay

As a kid I always loved “Take Your Kid To Work Day”. Actually, I’m old enough to remember when it was called “Take Our Daughters To Work Day”. My mom was a nurse who worked 3rd shift, so my sister would be able to go to my mom’s job (most of the time a nursing home or a hospital) and stay the night. It always seemed so fun. I always wanted to participate.

Although I never got the chance to visit my mom’s job on that national day, I still got the privilege to visit my mom’s job quite a bit growing up. It was always cool to see my mom interact with her patients. She was always so nice and loving to them. She would talk so gentle to them, and if the patient was not in the best mood, she would try to cheer them up.

The only bad thing I did not like about going to my mom’s job was the smell. Nursing homes and hospitals have this smell that I will never get used to. I never understood how it did not bother my mom. Another thing that I didn’t like that I appreciate now, is that my mom would take me and introduce me to all her coworkers and all of her patients. I can still hear her telling all of her patients ” This is my youngest boy, Bronson, he’s the baby of the family”. I used to be like “mom, you don’t gotta introduce me to EVERYBODY”.

Now I am happy that she did. I remember meeting quadriplegics, stroke victims, patients who couldn’t talk but would use an eye-gaze device to speak to me, very old patients, and sometimes younger patients. Seeing my mom interact with all these people and also getting the chance to meet them myself changed me for the better. I believe it made me more compassionate, caring, nonjudgmental, a better communicator, and even helped my ability to cope with death. Most importantly it showed me how to have a positive impact on someone’s life, and to also appreciate all of my blessings.

My sister ended up becoming a nurse also. I believe “Take Our Daughters To Work Day” is part of the reason she is a nurse like my mom. I believe kids are heavily influenced by their parent’s occupation. I think my sister becoming a nurse is something my mom can be proud of. Also, I think all the morals and values that were instilled into me from visiting my moms job is also something my mom can be proud of.

So my question is; Would you want your kid to grow up to have the same occupation as you? Would you want them to grow up to earn money the way that you do? Would you like them to grow up and have the same morals and values that comes with your job? Would that make you proud? If yes, then take your kid to work. If no, then maybe you shouldn’t be doing whatever you’re doing.


Faith, Motivation

Let the doubters doubt

bhillay

“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.” – James 1:6-8

It’s perfectly normal to have doubters. They are inevitable to have, actually. Not everyone will believe in your ideas or dreams. I’ve had all kinds of doubters in my life. Everyone from family, friends, teachers, coaches, significant others, random people on social media, you name it. That never bothered me though. I’ve always had self-worth and I’ve always believed in a God who believes in me. That’s all I’ve needed. Plus, it’s fun when you prove the doubters wrong. They will humbly be your biggest congratulators also when you accomplish that goal.

Sometimes we may doubt others and don’t even realize that we are doing it. So don’t take it personal when others doubt you. But whatever you do; don’t doubt yourself.

It always amazes me whenever someone doubts themself before even trying to achieve that goal or task or activity. Most of the time it is a self-limiting belief. At least give yourself a chance. Then continue to give yourself a chance until you achieve whatever you set out to do. Don’t just automatically count yourself out. That is a bad habit to have because you will begin to believe yourself. That’s the wrong type of belief to have in yourself. You may not be able to do it right now, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to after practice, and hard work and dedication.

I’ve reached so many goals and milestones in my life, that I could never doubt myself. I made it to the NFL after having statistically one of the worst football seasons during my senior year in college, the most crucial year of my college career (350 total rushing yards, 0 rushing TDs). I was benched and didn’t play the last 7 games of my senior year. I even had my coach look me in my eyes and straight up tell me that he did not think I was that good of a running back. I didn’t budge. I still believed in myself and just made the next right moves to try to get to the NFL. I thank God that I never doubted myself for one second and I never gave up. Don’t get me wrong, doubt will always try to sink into your head. You just have to fight it and keep moving towards whatever goal that you have in life.

I understand that we are not all the same mentally. There’s been plenty of times when I believed in someone more than they believed in theirself. All I can try to do is do my small part and try to encourage and help them. The final choice and actions will be theirs. But like the Bible verse says, you shouldn’t expect to receive anything from the Lord when you doubt. You gotta have faith that God got you, and that He blessed you with the abilities to achieve whatever you want in life. Cause He did. Next time things get hard, or you begin to feel the doubt come, double down and bet on yourself and go even harder. That’s when you’ll see the power of having faith in God and yourself.

Let the doubters doubt, but never doubt yourself. It’s possible.

Random Thoughts

The medium is the message

bhillay

“The medium is the message” is a phrase coined by the communication theorist Marshall McLuhan. It pretty much means that the medium through which we choose to communicate holds as much, if not more, value than the message itself. I began to think of this quote last night after having a conversation with Jasmine, my wife.

Jasmine told me that she has been enjoying my blog posts. She described how she likes how I express my thoughts and ideas on this blog. She even said she is learning new things about me from this blog. That’s crazy because Jasmine and I talk all day everyday. If we aren’t talking face-to-face, we are on Facetime, if not Facetime, we are texting, if we are not texting, we are sending each other random things on social media and talking in each other’s DMs.

A lot of things that I write on this blog are feelings and ideas that I have already expressed with Jasmine. It is a completely new medium for us to communicate so maybe things hit differently for her via blog. That’s very understandable. It’s also something for me to keep in mind. I think we should always be more conscious of which medium we chose to communicate with somebody. It can help with misunderstandings.

A lot of times we try to communicate with others, but there is a disconnection because we are using the wrong medium. Maybe you shouldn’t text that person ” I am sorry”. A phone call or even in-person might be more efficient. A handwritten “thank you” note might be better than an Email. Sometimes a “happy birthday” via Facebook doesn’t feel as meaningful as a text message, or even a DM (or a card in the mail, if you’re old school). When I proposed to Jasmine, I asked her in person, but I also incorporated a video. Sometimes words are just not enough.

You might have feelings and ideas inside of you, but haven’t found the right medium to get them out yet. Maybe you should start a blog, or write a book, or a movie, or song. No matter what medium you chose, just get it out there.

And if you’re reading this, Jasmine. Thank you for always encouraging me to pursue my ideas. Thanks for believing in me and helping me in whatever I do. Thanks for being my first blog subscriber also. You enjoying my blogs makes me the happiest man in the world. I love you.

Motivation

Always check your blind spot

bhillay

One of the first and most important things that they teach you when learning to drive is to always check your blind spot. As new drivers, we must learn that your blind spots are areas around your car that you cannot see when looking in your mirror. It is so subtle that some drivers may forget that they even exist. This can lead to a lot of car accidents.

 While driving, you should always check your blind spots before reversing, changing lanes and parallel parking. After a while, it becomes an automatic habit. This helps you drive as safe as possible. Living in Southern California, you GOTTA check your blind spots all the time. Especially on the highway. There’s a lot of traffic here, and people also aren’t the best drivers here, in my Midwesterner-safe-driver opinion.

Just today I saw two cars on the highway almost crash into each other. They both were trying to switch into the same lane at the same time. That’s easy to do here because there are so many cars on the highway. The best way to avoid that is to check your blind spot before switching lanes, then check again for safe measures. If you’ve ever rode with someone who doesn’t check their blind spots, you know how scary that can be. You probably also start to get a good understanding of that driver’s personality.

Checking your blind spot also applies to life. There will often be things in our blind spots that can hinder us in our journey of life. This could be things such as haters, fake friends, bad habits, character flaws, vices, anything. Sometimes it might look as if we are on the right path, but we haven’t checked our blindspots yet before making the next move. That’s when accidents happen. One small thing in your “blind spot” in your life can lead to destruction. Most problems in our lives could have been avoided if we took the proper procedures when making decisions. The same way most car accidents can be avoided if we follow the laws of driving.

We can also be the person that is someone else’s blind spot, so we must be conscious of that. We can help check blind spots for others as well. Sometimes you gotta be a back seat driver.

Stay in your lane, check your blind spots, and you will get to your destination successfully. Rather that’s driving, or in life.

Motivation

Do it right the first time

bhillay

It’s difficult starting over, (but) that’s better than going backwards.

I learned that from the rapper Starlito.

Back in 2020, I bought a handwriting workbook. I didn’t really like my handwriting at the time, so I figured it was time to finally go back to the basics and start over. That workbook helped my handwriting tremendously. I went from writing in chicken scratch to… just a regular person’s handwriting. It’s still nothing special LOL.

I began to ask myself why my handwriting was so bad in the first place, and all I could think about was being in elementary school and not caring too much about those handwriting workbooks. I wanted to do other things in school, like disrupt the class or flirt with girls. I didn’t know at the time that my handwriting would look like a 2nd grader’s for the next 20 years.

Last year I wrote a book. It’s a memoir about my life. The book is over 64,000 words long. Would you believe that I typed that entire book with only like three fingers?! I never mastered typing on the keyboard. I remember practicing as a kid, but somewhere along the way I stopped using the home row of the keyboard and all the mechanics they teach you when learning to type went out the door.

The past couple weeks I have been reteaching myself how to type the proper way. I can now use the home row and type without looking at the keyboard. I can’t believe I made it all those years just using three fingers. Although I can type decently with three fingers, I know I will be more efficient typing the correct way.

So here I am, a grown man, relearning how to write and type the correct way. Don’t get me wrong, I love the feeling of self-improvement. I love the feeling of not being able to do something, then seeing myself gradually improve with practice. The thing is, you can practice bad habits and get good at that also. Like I did with my handwriting and typing.

I could have used my free time learning new things, instead of relearning things I was taught as a kid. All I had to do was: do it right the first time.

That goes for anything in our lives. You gotta do it right the first time so you wont have to redo it later in life. Sometimes you might not even get a second chance if you do not do it right the first time. You know how many people are in prison who wish they could go back and do things right the first time? Or that dude who lost his wife cause he wasn’t doing right, who wishes he could go back in time and treat his wife better? Or that athlete who wishes they could go back in time and not smoke weed so that they didn’t fail their drug test?

Doing things correctly the first time saves you a lot of time and stress in the future. One of my favorite quotes is from Marshall McLuhan. He says “The future of the future is the present”. So think about how you want to be in the future, and do it right now. Want to be that healthy, fit person with a nice body in the future? Eat healthy and workout right now. Want to gain 50 lbs of fat in the future and be out of shape? Start eating bad right now and don’t exercise. You’ll get there LOL.

Whatever it is in your life that you may not be doing right, fix it now. Like Starlito says; “Not a quitter at all, but I’m giving up bad habits”. Just start over. Don’t go backwards. Sometimes doing things the wrong way is the same as going backwards. And for all my Christians out there, this might be the only life we get, so if you want to go to heaven, you gotta live right the first time. I don’t know if God will send us back to earth to redo things correctly. Well, there might be purgatory (for my Catholic readers), but even that’s the result of not doing things right the first time.

There are no shortcuts in life, so just do things right the first time. The future you will thank you.