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Study the consequences

bhillay

Consequences are more important than decisions. We often make choices without thinking about the consequences from those choices. It might sound like a good idea right now, but if it lands you in prison in the future, maybe it isn’t such a good idea after all. You might get some type of instant gratification right now, but that doesn’t mean it will not have a negative effect on your life in the long run. That goes for all decisions, from what we decide to eat today, to what person we decide to get into a relationship with.

A question that I often ask myself before making a decision, that I got from Dr. Myles Munroe, is “will I enjoy remembering this” if the answer is “no”, then I don’t do it. I also like to think about all possible outcomes and consequences before I make a decision. This helps me make better choices in life. You should try it also.

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Wasn’t born hustlers

bhillay

One of my favorite albums by the rapper Jay-Z is “Blueprint”. I was eight years old when I first listened to it. Even though I was so young listening to that album, I resonated with a lot of the songs and lyrics on the album.

One song on that album that I liked a lot is called “Izzo (H.O.V.A.)”. It had a catchy hook and good lyrics. The lyrics in that song that always stood out to me the most was when Jay- Z says “Wasn’t born hustlers, I was birthing ’em”.

In the book “Decoded” Jay -Z explains a lot of the lyrics in his songs. Regarding the “Wasn’t born hustlers, I was birthing ’em” lyrics, Jay-Z explains hustling and the nature of passing the skills down to the younger generation. He says: “They know that if they find the right kid, they can put him under their tutelage and he’ll get it fast, step right into the rhythm of the life. If that sounds predatory, it’s because recruiting new workers is one of the most predatory aspects of the game. When you’re doing it, it’s hard to see it that way because everyone comes into the game as a recruit – including the ones who eventually become recruiters.”

I think this explains all of the youth. None of us are born hustlers, or delinquents, or even doctors or lawyers. We are nurtured into these things from our support systems and environment. The kid who was turned into a hustler and is in the streets could have been the same kid that became a doctor or engineer or politician, etc.

We all have influence on the youth and each other. It’s ok to “birth hustlers” as long as it’s doing something positive.

I graduated from college as well as played football professionally because when I was a kid, I was put in the right environments to develop my skills athletically & academically, and also develop my morals and values. I was put into sports. The importance of education was emphasized. I went to church/Bible school three days a week. Not all of my peers were fortunate enough to have that. They may have had other influences around them, causing them to go down a different path.

I don’t think it’s ever too late to change though. Although, it is better to change and help the kid before they are negatively influenced and make a fatal error in life.

Make sure you are being a positive influence for the youth as well a positive influence for your peers. Also, make sure you are around others that are “birthing” you into something positive and purposeful in life. It’s possible.

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Your parents are just people

bhillay

I think one of the keys to growth and happiness is realizing that your parents are just regular people too. Sometimes we have to take a step back and look at them as just a random person who has their own flaws, insecurities, proclivities and addictions. They also have their own dreams and aspirations that might not involve their children, which is ok.

Sometimes you are not dealt that ideal parent-child relationship. That is okay. You just have to accept the relationship for what it is and get the most out of it. I’ve heard people say “there’s things I wish my mom/dad would have taught me” or something along those lines. Maybe your parents were never taught those things from their parents.We can’t expect to receive things from our parents that were never given to them.

I know there are individuals out there who just are bad people, but I think most “bad” parents want to be good parents. They might have never learned how to be one. Maybe they made personal decisions that hurt their ability to be a good parent. Some parents don’t even realize that they’ve had a negative impact on their child’s life. They might be there for the child on a daily basis, but still aren’t doing what they need to do to nurture the physical, emotional and social development of their child. Sometimes an absent parent can be better than a bad parent that is present.

I think what’s key for a parent-child relationship is empathy and communication. You have to understand and share the feelings of your parents, the same way you can for a random person who is not your parent. You might have to nurture your parents emotionally and spiritually. That is fine. Maybe that is what God called you to do in the first place. Sometimes parents need help from their children. I know a lot of people who find purpose and happiness in life just from the presence of their child. Imagine what’s possible if that child deliberately chose to bring happiness and purpose into that parent’s life.

Sometimes the circle of life happens much faster than we would like. Most people will have to nurture and take care of their parents once they begin to get older in age. Others might have to nurture and care for their parents at a very young age.

They say life is the best teacher. If your parents offer you nothing in life, you can still at least learn from all of their mistakes. A smart person learns from his mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others.

Communication is also key. Have you ever told your parent how you felt about them? Have you ever ask your parent how they feel as a parent, and just in life in general? We can tell our parents what we need, or needed as a kid. At least they can learn and possibly be better in the future. And even if they aren’t better in the future, that’s ok. Just accept the relationship for what it is. You can drive yourself crazy trying to get something from someone who just doesn’t have it to give.

At the end of the day, our parents are just people and we are all children of God. That is Who will never let you down. That’s Who we should really look to for direction, purpose, growth and happiness.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. – Deuteronomy 31:8

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Diversify your skills

bhillay

Diversify your skills so that you will always be needed.

In football I always aimed to be a “complete running back”. This means I didn’t want to be good at just running the ball. I wanted to be a good catcher, run good routes, a good pass blocker, have good ball security… I wanted to run with both speed and power. I wanted to have good vision and I wanted to be smart. This helped me be a more valuable running back, which in return helped me win the starting running back job time after time.

If a running back cannot catch the ball or pass block, they will be limited to just playing on first and second down. If you aren’t that fast, you might be limited to just short yardage plays. If you have bad vision or fumble the ball a lot, you might not play at all.

When I made it to the NFL I knew that if I wanted to see the field I would have to diversify my skills even more. I had to be able to add value to the team by also playing on Special Teams. This helped me be needed more, which in return helped me make NFL rosters. At practice, I would help wherever they needed me. I might be on scout defense one period, then scout offense the next. It did not matter to me what I was doing as long as I was contributing to the team in some type of way. I always tried to find ways to diversify my skills. In the NFL, if a team feels as if you are not valuable or not contributing to the team enough, they’ll quickly get rid of you. I began to build this sense of urgency that I should always be doing something or adding to my skillset in some type of way. This now is how I approach everything in life, and how we all should.

You have to do things to separate yourself from the competition. Your resume might be very similar to another job candidate’s, but if you have more valuable skills on your resume such as coding or knowing another language, that can help you win that job. Even when you get the job, you still can gain more skills to grow within the company or go somewhere that is a higher position.

We can work on personal skills also, such as communication, time management, problem-solving, etc. Really, it’s not just about sports or work. The more skills you have in life in general, the more valuable you are. This can make life a lot easier. Might even make you happier.

So with that being said, I encourage you to make it an effort to learn a new skill this year. The future you will thank you.

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Take your kid to work

bhillay

As a kid I always loved “Take Your Kid To Work Day”. Actually, I’m old enough to remember when it was called “Take Our Daughters To Work Day”. My mom was a nurse who worked 3rd shift, so my sister would be able to go to my mom’s job (most of the time a nursing home or a hospital) and stay the night. It always seemed so fun. I always wanted to participate.

Although I never got the chance to visit my mom’s job on that national day, I still got the privilege to visit my mom’s job quite a bit growing up. It was always cool to see my mom interact with her patients. She was always so nice and loving to them. She would talk so gentle to them, and if the patient was not in the best mood, she would try to cheer them up.

The only bad thing I did not like about going to my mom’s job was the smell. Nursing homes and hospitals have this smell that I will never get used to. I never understood how it did not bother my mom. Another thing that I didn’t like that I appreciate now, is that my mom would take me and introduce me to all her coworkers and all of her patients. I can still hear her telling all of her patients ” This is my youngest boy, Bronson, he’s the baby of the family”. I used to be like “mom, you don’t gotta introduce me to EVERYBODY”.

Now I am happy that she did. I remember meeting quadriplegics, stroke victims, patients who couldn’t talk but would use an eye-gaze device to speak to me, very old patients, and sometimes younger patients. Seeing my mom interact with all these people and also getting the chance to meet them myself changed me for the better. I believe it made me more compassionate, caring, nonjudgmental, a better communicator, and even helped my ability to cope with death. Most importantly it showed me how to have a positive impact on someone’s life, and to also appreciate all of my blessings.

My sister ended up becoming a nurse also. I believe “Take Our Daughters To Work Day” is part of the reason she is a nurse like my mom. I believe kids are heavily influenced by their parent’s occupation. I think my sister becoming a nurse is something my mom can be proud of. Also, I think all the morals and values that were instilled into me from visiting my moms job is also something my mom can be proud of.

So my question is; Would you want your kid to grow up to have the same occupation as you? Would you want them to grow up to earn money the way that you do? Would you like them to grow up and have the same morals and values that comes with your job? Would that make you proud? If yes, then take your kid to work. If no, then maybe you shouldn’t be doing whatever you’re doing.


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The first of many

bhillay

And for my next trick, I will write a blog post every day.

I have always been a very competitive person. I’m not a sore loser, but I can for sure be a sore winner at times. I want to win at anything that I do. I’ve always been that way. I like to challenge myself all the time. There’s no better feeling than when you challenge yourself to do something, then eventually fulfill that challenge or goal. It’s always reconfirmation that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Growing up, I was very competitive with my siblings. Everything was a competition. We even had a game where whoever put their seat belt on first when we got into the car was the winner. Y’all know I won most of the time.

When I was younger, my brothers and I would always play the video game Madden NFL against each other. We used to love to play this mini-game mode called “Rushing Attack”.

The concept of Rushing Attack was simple: A player is given control of a running back and a full back and there’s also a few moving blocking dummies that would simulate a run play. The objective for that player is to score as many touchdowns as possible within a minute. The opposing player would be on defense with two to three players.Their objective is to stop the person on offense from scoring touchdowns. After one minute, you switch sides. The person who was on offense is now on defense, and vice versa. Whoever had the most points after each player got their one minute on offense, won. You earned points from things such as yards gained, stiff arming someone, tackling someone, etc. The most valuable objective was scoring a touchdown. Those were worth the most points. If you scored consecutive touchdowns, you would earn even more points. That’s pretty much all my brothers and I wanted to do; get consecutive touchdowns.

Playing that game mode all those years and trying to get those consecutive touchdowns helped shape me as a football player. “Rushing Attack” taught me how to run the ball efficiently. It taught me how to read blocks, how to set up blocks. It taught me about angles and leverages and even taught me how to do moves such as spins and jukes. It’s amazing what can happen when you do something repetitively. You will naturally get better. You might even be rewarded even more for doing it consecutively.

That is how I plan to approach writing blogs. I will do it everyday. I got the idea from Seth Godin. He has written a blog post everyday for over 7,000 days. That’s crazy! It’s possible nonetheless (Jordan shrug). He says his blog posts are not to get people to read it, or even for monetization. He posts a blog everyday because he made a decision, one time, to write everyday. He doesn’t post a blog post because he feels like it, and he doesn’t post a blog post because it is perfect. He writes a blog post because it is tomorrow. It’s that simple. Having that mentality helps the work move forward.

To reach any big goal, or to do anything of greatness, you have to do it consistently even when you do not feel like doing it. Imagine if your dentist only performed well at work when they felt like doing it. There would be many days where clients got subpar dental services. As an athlete, you got to show up everyday (every play actually) and perform to the best of your ability. If not, someone who does show up everyday and perform will eventually pass you up.

I love to challenge myself. I love to compete. I love to be consistent and I love to stay out of my comfort zone. Only good things have come out of my life when I have done so. I know that the same will be true with writing a blog post every day. I encourage you to do something consistently also. Rather that’s reading everyday, working out everyday, or practicing whatever skill/craft you are passionate about; just do it.

Posting a blog everyday is not too hard. Neither is doing any other task, such as working out everyday, or eating healthy everyday. But as Jim Rohn would say, “What’s simple to do is also simple not to do. The magic is not in the complexity of the task; the magic is in the doing of simple things repeatedly and long enough to ignite the miracle of the Compound Effect.”

So here’s to my first blog post of many. Each new day that the Lord blesses me with, I shall bless y’all with a new blog post. For this is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice (and blog) and be glad in it. -Psalms 118:24 KJV